Some time ago, I informed single black women that there is in fact a shortage of “marriageable” black men in the dating market. Considering most black women prefer to date black men, you will need a strategy to increase your chances of meeting men who actually meet your criteria for dating.
Review and prioritize your “list”:
The first thing we should tackle is what is your criteria? Are you being too picky? Ok, I will give you the preference of dating and/or marrying a black man. I get it, I was that girl. I married a black man. I love his Mandingo behind. However, being married 2 ½ years now, I do know enough to say that you will NOT get ALL of what you have on your list. Ideally, if you got 80% of that list, then you are winning. Don’t get me wrong, I am not asking you to settle, I am asking you to re-evaluate your list and prioritize!
For instance, physical characteristics (age range, over 6 ft., complexion, type of hair cut), or even monetary characteristics (over 6 figures, drive a luxury vehicle, owns a home) should never go before spiritual and emotional characteristics (Relationship with God, prays, attend church regularly, wants a relationship, wants children, etc.)
Some items on your list should be re-evaluated and possibly removed completely. Has to have pearly white teeth vs. well groomed. Or “must make more money than me” vs. “gainfully employed”. “Master’s degree or above” (vs. some formal education/or values education”).
As a Christian relationship coach, and a promotor of Godly dating, I advise singles to have “Relationship with God vs. Goes to Church or “Spiritual” as #1 on their list. Any man who has a heart after God, has an active prayer life, church home, studies the word, etc. has a higher chances of holding himself to a standard ordained by God himself. He will love you like God will love you. With that, better treatment towards his woman, period (commitment, loyalty, respect, unconditional love to name a few).
Pick the top 5 requirements as most important, deal breakers, and consider the rest as “wants”. If you get them, great. If not, at the core, you have a guy that you could grow to love.
Understand that dating is a numbers game:
now that you have a more reasonable list, let me remind you that there are 4 marriageable black men to every 10 black women. Therefore, dating will be a numbers game for you. Simply put, out of 10 dates you go on, only about 4 men will meet your top requirements. Therefore, DATE. Date, date, date. Once that person has shown you who they really are (usually after 3 dates or so), and it doesn’t align with what you want. MOVE ON, expeditiously. Dating with purpose, you aren’t having one night stands, or sleeping with men early, so your judgment should not be clouded at this point. You should have a clear idea if you want to spend more time with this guy. Develop a “not him, so there’s someone better” mentality. Always remember you just need ONE.
Keep the faith, there are ‘good’ men out there. You just have to go where they go:
Want a Godly man, go to church events. Want a man with a certain income level, go take a golfing class, mixers/happy hours in a upscale neighborhoods. Want a man who is educated, go to fraternity events, business mixers, etc. Go where they are. Increase your chances of meeting them. Don’t just rely on the universe to send him down your aisle at your neighborhood grocery story. Be intentional.
Consider going to the other side:
I’ve mentioned before that black women would rather date down than out. (Down – lower education and/or income level vs. Out – someone outside of their race with equal to or higher education and/or income level). Interracial dating is at an all-time high amongst all racial groups. Although I am passionate about black families, black love, etc., I am even more passionate about single black women having satisfying dating relationships that will lead to marriage. This is the foundation for change, for our children and for future generations. Now if establishing that family unit means recruiting a man of a different race, then so be it. Get on board, our black men are doing it. Kings come in various shades. I’m just saying. Want to increase the number of eligible men…consider being down with the swirl.
