When things started getting ugly…
I was out for a morning run in my new North Dallas neighborhood (OK jog, heck, I was exercising), and reflecting on yet another heated argument I just had with Devin, right before he went out of town. No kiss goodbye, no “I’ll miss you while I’m gone”, just the sound of exhaust pipes and tires speeding out the driveway.
I was thinking to myself, “wow, I feel like my life is falling apart”. I immediately reached out to my psychologist friend via text. She simply asked, “what’s the one thing that if X failed, none of this would have been worth it, or even if it all worked out, it wouldn’t be worth losing X over.”
My immediate thought – MY MARRIAGE.
Her response – “well, make that your priority, pull out all the stops! The rest you just maintain.”
The problem was, I didn’t know how to pull out all the stops. For boyfriends, sure. Mastered that. But for my husband, the one who I was mad at all the time, who was just as mad at me (if not more), I didn’t know how to do that. There was no technique or tool that I could think of. So, I decided to do a thing.
What happened next…
I sought out a Wife Coach. (Yes, they exist, and every wife should have one. A vet, a wife who’s been in the game a few decades, not just one of your girlfriends who hasn’t been through anything, or in the same boat as you. Someone I aspire to be one day).
She basically went ALL THE WAY IN. I thought I was calling to vent about Devin, and guess who she checked. ME!
Picture this. Someone looking you dead in the face, with both hands on your shoulders, giving you a little shake and a quick slap in the face. Then politely turning you around to face the other direction, showing you something that you have been missing all along. You better believe I followed her wise counsel, because it pointed me directly back to God.
Then this happened…
I had so many questions during one of our sessions that she suggested that I go back to the very last thing that I was crystal clear on that God told me to do. I knew immediately what that thing was, "Focus on school”.
School? Well, what about Devin? What about my business? Clearly, I must be wrong. But of course, I go back to my prayer journal and “Focus on School” appeared at least 8 times over the past year.
My wife coach also suggested laying everything at God’s feet.
From business, to my marriage, just everything I am worried about. Lay it at His feet. Take it to God in prayer and WAIT for an answer before moving or speaking.
The #1 tool in my new toolbox:
As for my marriage, that laying it at His feet exercise brought about some very interesting things. I am not even in a position to share with you yet, because we are still in the process. But I promise you, once I have a true testimony, I will share.
I even laid my dissertation at His feet. Every article, every talk with my mentor, every paragraph that I wasn’t sure about. I am making amazing progress. God is all up and through this dissertation.
In terms of my business, I laid every business decision, every email I was going to send, every contact that I was going to make, at God’s feet.
I asked God everything from “should I move forward with this plan, this product, renew with this client”, etc.
I have received no, after no, after no.
What I am doing now…
If you’ve stuck through reading this email, bless you! I say all this to say…
Here’s what I’m up to now…focused on school!
For me, that means directing all of my attention on completing this dissertation and graduating. Although I have went about this grudgingly, God has revealed so much to me in such little time.
From November to now, I have had amazing spiritual awakenings! I am back consistently exercising daily, reading my bible daily, praying daily!
Listening to audio books while on the treadmill (I’m on my 3rd book), and listening to brand new podcasts. Funny, God tends to speak to me the most during my hour of exercise. Go figure. My eyes and ears are wide open, all fixated on God and the messages that He is sending me by way of some amazing authors, scholars, and leaders.
Here’s the kicker… (drum roll please)!
Just this week, on 1/6/2020, I looked in my husband’s eyes just reflecting on his day. He spent the entire morning and afternoon with our 22-year-old on a daddy-daughter date, came home and chopped it up with the 14-year-old about hers. Helped bathe both toddlers and put them to bed. Then came to kiss me goodnight before he went upstairs to his office to make up at least 6 hours of his workday that he’d missed. Right then, it dawned on me.
I literally married the man of my dreams!
Real talk, our marriage is getting increasingly better each and every day. If I can be honest, I am kind of surprised at this.
I focus on God, God works on me, and something is indirectly happening to Devin. It’s crazy!
Whatever God is doing, I will never stop “pulling out all the stops” as my girl told me to do. I will continue to lay everything at God’s feet, and concentrate on the last crystal clear thing God told me to do. Obedience, Em, obedience.
What this means for you…
Trust and believe, I have not forgotten about you! I am still very passionate about turning single women back to God to get closer to manifesting their forever love.
By invitation only, I will still appear as a guest on a podcast or do a speaking engagement here and there, if my dissertation schedule permits. (For instance, there’s an online summit I participated in that airs soon. Details later this week).
I still have a very small number of private clients, and will keep that number under 3 at a time throughout this year. Since I am currently in my “spiritual realm”, we go DEEP! If you are at all interested in working with me on this type of level, I encourage you to add your name to the wait-list. I must warn you – it’s not for the faint at heart. Not this year at least.
For general dating and relationship advice, make sure to submit your up-to-date information. If I run across articles or advice that will fit your specific need, I will notify you via email, as social media will be on pause for now.
Lastly, I am currently working on something special for you, a 2020 resource guide, that should help while I am on my personal hiatus. If there is something you are in specific need of, shoot me an email so that I can make sure to add it.
In short (after this mini novel) …
God is working on me. He’s making me a better wife, mother and scholar now, so that I can better serve you later.
I am trusting the process, so I hope that you will, too.
Here’s to 2020,